Should You Get Divorced? An Honest Look First

From The Mid-South Divorce Guide, chapter 1, by William W. Jones
IV, a Memphis family law attorney and Rule 31 Listed Family Mediator
licensed in Tennessee and Mississippi. This guide covers Shelby, Tipton
and Fayette Counties in Tennessee and DeSoto, Tate and Tunica Counties
in Mississippi.

Questions this page answers

• Should I get a divorce or try counseling first?
• Is it too late to reconcile after a divorce is filed?
• Should I stay together for the kids?
• What happens at a divorce consultation?

I am a divorce lawyer, and I am going to start by telling you that a
lot of people who sit in my chair should not be getting divorced.

Some of them know it. They come in angry about something specific,
and about twenty minutes into the conversation you can hear the anger
run out of gas. Some of them do not know it yet. And some of them
absolutely should be getting divorced and are still trying to talk
themselves out of it, usually because of the kids or the money or what
their mother is going to say.

I am not a counselor. I am not going to tell you which one you are.
But here are the honest observations from a couple decades of watching
this.

I have dismissed cases. Not many, but enough to tell you that it
happens and that nobody in my office thinks any less of anybody for it.
The client sits down, tells me to file the notice, and walks out of the
building lighter than they walked in. If there is a version of this
where the two of you do the work and it holds, that version beats
anything I can do for you on every measure I know how to count.

Counseling is worth trying if there is anything left to try. I serve
as an elder at my church and I am not neutral about it, so weigh that
however you want to weigh it. What I will tell you as a lawyer is
narrower than that. I have watched a marriage turn all the way around
because two people started eating dinner at the same table again, and I
have watched one end anyway after four years of the best counseling
money can buy. It does not predict anything. It is just worth knowing
which of those two you are in before you spend a year finding out in my
office.

Now the other side of it. If you are staying because you are afraid,
that is a different conversation and you should have it with somebody
today. If there is violence in your house, read Domestic Violence and
Safety right now and then call somebody. The rest of this will
keep.

And if you are staying purely for the children, understand what the
research and my own eyes both say. Children do not need their parents
married. They need their parents functional. A calm house with two
addresses beats a war zone with one.

The walk from the car

For most people, the walk from the car to a divorce lawyer’s office
is the most surreal thing they have ever done.

Somewhere in those forty yards you are going to hear yourself asking
questions you never expected to ask. How did I end up here. I did not
plan on this. Can I even afford this. Do I actually want to go through
with it.

Every one of those is a fair question and not one of them has to be
answered today.

A consultation is a consultation. That is all it is. There should be
zero pressure on you to sign with anybody the first time you meet them,
and if you feel pressure, that tells you something useful about the
office you are sitting in. Come find out what your situation looks like.
Go home. Sleep on it. Talk to two other lawyers. The decision keeps.

Download the whole guide. All 35 chapters plus four blank client forms, complimentary, no email required. Download The Mid-South Divorce Guide (PDF)

Questions about your own situation? The Jones Law Firm, 5100 Poplar Ave, Suite 708, Memphis, TN 38137. Call (901) 761-5353.