I remember being thirteen. I remember thinking Ashley was the best looking girl in the eighth grade—or was it Audrey? Maybe Crystal? BeBe? Leslie? You get the idea.

I also remember not knowing whether my dad was supposed to be my buddy or my boss. I wanted designer clothes, fewer rules, more video games, and absolutely no consequences. I wanted power. I didn’t entirely know what sex was, but I was pretty sure I wanted that, too.

Looking back now, I realize my hormones were writing checks my brain couldn’t cash. My body was barreling toward adulthood, and the tug-of-war that created between me and my parents was real.

I didn’t understand why the door had to stay open when my girlfriend came over, or why I had to cut the yard before I could go anywhere. But my parents knew. They weren’t trying to ruin my life—they were parenting. They were making decisions I wasn’t ready to make, and thank God I didn’t have the power to overrule them.

Now Imagine Giving Me Legal Authority Back Then…

Picture thirteen-year-old me telling my parents:

“Nah, I’m not mowing the yard. Deal with it.”

“I’ll shut my door and do whatever I want with whoever I please.”

If I had legal leverage to say that… well, you’d be reading this from prison or a padded room.

That brings me to something I hear every week in my law office:

“My kid is twelve. They said they’re old enough to choose which parent to live with now.”

No, they’re not.

The Urban Legend of “They Get to Choose at 12”

Somewhere along the line, someone’s cousin’s ex-girlfriend’s uncle’s attorney told them that when a child turns 12, they get to pick which parent they want to live with. It’s not true. It’s what I call “street law.”

Yes, Tennessee law allows a child’s preference to be considered at age 12—considered, not followed blindly. The judge can weigh it, ask questions, listen carefully, and then make a decision based on all the factors, not just one.

If courts gave kids that kind of power, we’d be in chaos. Every time a parent tried to discipline their child, they’d risk losing custody. That’s not parenting—that’s hostage negotiation.

The Real Standard: Best Interest of the Child

Tennessee Code Annotated § 36-6-106 lays out the factors a court uses when deciding custody. Things like the stability of each parent’s home, emotional ties, school performance, involvement, mental health, past conduct, and yes—the child’s preference, but only as one factor among many.

And here’s the catch: none of those factors matter until someone files a petition to modify custody. Until then, the current court order stands.

Be the Parent—Not the Pal

Kids don’t need more power. They need structure.

So don’t let street law or adolescent manipulation shake your confidence. Keep the doors open. Enforce the curfew. Make them cut the yard.

Because I’ve looked inside the mind of a 13-year-old boy… and trust me, it’s a terrifying place to hand over decision-making authority.